Self-Development: The Road to Healing

Embracing self-development through mindfulness and self-compassion.

Through the years I have always been faced with challenges, from traumatic events that led to some mental challenges to having to create new identities to find that longing of fitting in to a social circle. I have always found myself to be thought of as "weird" or "not normal" and that took a toll on me because, in general, everyone does not want to be called those things.

Growing up I remember being bullied by classmates, being called Godzilla or four-eyed because of my glasses and that definitely brought my self-esteem down and my self-confidence. Moving to Canada I knew I had the opportunity to make something of myself. However, down the road I did not think I would have to create multiple identities just to be classified as "normal". Yet, even through the changes I was still not thought to be in that category as I found myself being betrayed by so many close to me. It was not until 2025 when I realized enough is enough and I cannot keep feeling the pain inflicted by others as this has impacted my mental health. 2025 was the year I decided to make it a priority to get the help I need.

#1. A Supportive Community - My goal was to find a community that exudes positivity and a safe community that I can be myself and know that no one would judge me. This is where I found the community created by Lavendaire. Lavendaire is a company created by Aileen where she focuses on self-development and creating a life that can be fulfilling, a life that allows you to attain your goals and ambitions, what she calls "The Artist of Life". Honestly this has been the best because Aileen creates various self-help contents, products to help you work on your inner self, and a community that have like minded individuals who promote a safe place for you to work together to achieve your goals and dreams with no judgment.

#2. Therapy - I have been clinically diagnosed with a mental health problem since 2007 and I have been combatting this problem for years. I was born with this illness, but it did not surface until the betrayals I experienced from those close to me. After numerous betrayals, letting people in and out of my life, and knowing people's true colours, the illness became harder and harder to manage. Gone from having to depend so much on medicine to countless appointments with the psychiatrist, knowing that this problem is something I have to deal with for the rest of my life. I was never happy about exposing this to the public because mental health has always been a topic placed in a negative light. I have seen not just friends but also family react and treat those with mental illnesses, and some are supportive while others are not. With all the trauma, I ended up bottling a lot of the pain which caused me to be a negative and angry person. It was after my episode in December 2024 when I realized I needed more than just a psychiatrist appointment, I finally needed therapy. Therapy was never really something I wanted to do because I did not like having to always revisit the pain, but I knew this time around I needed it. The goal was to finally close the traumatic chapters of my life and move on with my life. I started therapy a bit, but stopped it due to some personal issues, now I am in search of a new therapist that I can connect with and that I can relate with. Looking at my first session with the therapist, I did not realize how affected I still am from previous events, that I thought I was okay with already. I was crying and I could feel the pain coming back. Through that experience I knew that it was a long journey before I would completely heal.

#3. Fitness & Lifestyle Change - Weight gain was the biggest issue for me for years causing me to have body image issues and loss of self-confidence. Growing up I was name called by family members, thinking of it as a joke. I remember being compared to an elephant and also being said to that "I am surprised the plane did not crash due to your weight". For someone who is going through a lot, this was something I did not want to hear and no one should hear, especially from family. Rage and resentment grew in me and I vowed to be a new person the next time I saw them, which should not be the reason to go on a fitness journey. I would be someone who would loose the weight and then when I felt comfortable, gain the weight quickly. I have tried multiple trainers, in person and online, and could not find one I resonated with until 2022 to early 2023 and currently. My in person trainer in 2022 to early 2023 was amazing. He understood me, understood my needs, and I was comfortable just being myself with him. I was completely motivated to loose the weight, and I did but was sad when he left and ended up going downhill from there. After he left, I ended up with an injury that had me quit the gym and stop training. Been dealing with it since then which caused me to loose motivation and gain all the weight back, even more. I tried online coaching, but I just could not find the right one, until I stumbled upon Muscle by Meg. Honestly such a kind hearted and a ray of sunshine. She is such a supportive coach that she makes sure to understand your needs and is so flexible with changes. She always motivates me and pushes me to be the better version of myself, through ups and downs. She is helping me in the nutrition aspect while I have Jakob, who is my in person personal trainer at GoodLife Fitness who is helping me with the training aspect. Both of them have been a good combination for myself as now I can finally see progress and weight loss, even tho it took years to find the best fit. Now that I have the best pair for nutrition and exercise, I know I can go far in my fitness journey.

2025 is the year of growth, development, healing, and being at peace with myself. I know I have the resources to succeed and now it is up to me to follow it through. I need to stay consistent, committed, determined and once all this happens I know the best version of myself will come shining through.